Pride and Caution Can Coexist

Trans Day of Visibility is March 31

courtesy of my bestie and great STL libraries!

And for many of the parents I support, it’s a day that holds two things at once: great pride in their kids, and very real anxiety about the potential costs of visibility.

You’re not doing it wrong by feeling both. You’re not being paranoid or overreacting. You’re being someone who loves their child fiercely and is paying attention to the world they’re living in.

Pride and caution can coexist.

We love our kids. We want the world to know how great they are. If we could, and our kids wouldn’t die of embarrassment, some of us might even put up a billboard outside our homes that says: Most Awesome Kid Lives Here!

Because of that love, we want to show up. At parades, rallies, and school board meetings, as well as in online comments and conversations. We want our kids and families like ours to be seen.

But sometimes, being visible can also feel vulnerable. We can feel exposed and unsafe, worrying that one comment or moment could invite harm. Our kids can feel that uncertainty too.

Safety concerns are real. If safety feels complicated right now, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re trying to love your child in a world that doesn’t always feel secure.

Here are a few things that can help:

1. Check in as a family about what feels okay to share publicly, and what doesn’t.

2. Treat parades, rallies, and advocacy events as optional, not mandatory. Attend with contact and exit plans in place.

3. Before posting, ask yourself: Am I reacting from rage or calm? What’s my intention? Will I feel good about this later (like in 10 minutes, 10 hours, or 10 days)?

4. Know that showing up for your child as an affirming, reliable, and consistent parent matters more than any other form of visibility.

Sometimes protecting your child sounds like speaking loudly. Sometimes it looks like holding them close. Both are loving and brave.