Haters Gonna Hate; I'm Gonna Thrive

In March, I experienced my first direct hits of hate related to my advocacy for trans kids. I knew it was coming, an inevitable result of growing my audience. Nevertheless, reading comments like these on Trans Day of Visibility was a gut punch.

Excerpts of trolls on my FB account

• “Oh, we see you alright. We don’t need a whole day to let everyone know how weird you are.”

• “There should be zero trans children, period. Anyone who grooms this should be behind bars.”

• “You people need f****** mental help. You’re a disgrace to society. You should have your own special place. Where you can all congregate, and have your own community together away from civilized people.”

  
  

In a recent conversation with a fellow parent (whom I’ll call *Shelia), we discussed ways to shift from fear to empowerment. She told me, “My autonomy and security are significantly threatened. It feels impossible to live in this world right now, but it’s even harder when you add in complexities like [race and gender]. This is not what I chose for my life, and this is not what I expected. There is no book for this.”

But, when there’s no guide to follow, how do we know the next best step?

A different colleague recently shared her motto for 2026: “recommit to the why.” In the face of federal attacks on DEI, she has had to pivot her approach to maintain funding for the critical research work she’s doing on behalf of trans kids and their families.

Now months into reading trolls’ comments, I have had to pivot mentally to avoid shutting it all down to escape the hate. I consulted with colleagues and loved ones who unanimously told me: The trolls’ reactions confirm I’m hitting the right notes. So keep going.

Narratives, not statistics, move people and change minds. Even trolls.

Having a chance to tell your story to someone who is both compassionate and knowledgeable can heal. Reading or hearing someone’s story can spark a shift in perspective. Both are important. Both are necessary.

One of several researchers I know emphasized this point, stating, “Data is not particularly helpful, especially today. Storytelling is really where it’s at — those heartstrings-tugging moments that help you identify with someone.”

Trolls may be loud, but they’re small and cowardly. The community of support is bigger and braver. When we continue to show up vibrant, out loud, and together, we’re so much stronger than they realize.

*This piece first appeared on my Substack, Practice Notes. You can check it out here.